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Forcing me to Feel Good~

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Be what you wanna be

The Day I Tried To LIVE

You're All I need

I'd give up forever

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Bloggin'

I just want to make it clear that first, I hate the word blog and I didn't want to do this at all but with some time off of EQ, its not bad to reflect on other things and try to gain a bigger perspective on things I may have been ignoring. As a matter of fact, Everquest was originally played in my house because Doug suggested after Ben's funeral that we go to Best Buy and find something to distract me for a while. I was incredibly distraught and I'm sure Doug realized even then what an impact this persons life and death had on my life and everything about me. Without Everquest to give a break to the brooding and morbid thoughts I am not sure the kind of person I would be by now. I want to be 80 years old and not be so jaded and bitter by life that I can still play like a kid and more important, still feel like one. I still do to this day. If asked for one wish to be fulfilled, even at this point in my life, I would have to ask that I never lose the ability to BE the carefre

Wasting my time

Ok so it was an ominous premonition that I played this song over and over before I left for the day Friday. I was thinking of wasted time. If in the last ten years I had back all the time I spent playing video games, what could I have done with that time? Gotten a degree? Maybe. If I had all the time back that I spent on EQ? If I had all the time back that I spent on wasted efforts towards friends or lovers that didnt earn those efforts? Wow, thats a lot of time. Problem is, Ill never, or at least I hope I never stop playing video games. I want to be the granny on the block that can beat the holy crap out of any teenager on the block in Mortal Kombat or Madden 2k5. Cant go back and take myself away from EQ, and for what its worth, it served much purpose and did its job for me for years. The third one I decided was the only one I could change. So I set out to do so. I decided to demand a higher respect from the friendships I have. I decided that anyone I thought to label friend would me

10th Anniversary

Well my tenth anniversary was Thursday the 29th. I spent it alone, reading a book and snuggled down under my old aztec blanket. Of course you cant get through 10 years of marriage without some bullshit going on. People hurting each other, things being said or done that cant be taken back.... but seriously all of that aside... What kind of man goes to a neighbors and watches a football game on their tenth anniversary, staggers in wasted just past midnight when the anniversary is over, and passes out in the bed. OH, he doesnt want me to leave out that he DID tell me happy anniversary when he came in at 6pm, and at 8pm he was at the neighbors watching football. His team lost too by the way, and so did he.

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